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A relationship expert and dating columnist shares her counterintuitive approach to lasting love: encouraging women to date their "non-types". After years of dating, many women fall into relationship ruts. As serial daters, they are attracted to the same type of man time and again. Clearly something's not working. But the problem is not that he's just not that into them - the reality is he's just not their type.
Relationship expert and life coach Andrea Syrtash hears the disbelief in her clients' voices when they admit that their "Mr. Right" relationships have again gone wrong. In He's Just Not Your Type, Syrtash challenges listeners to date outside their comfort zones and poses hard-hitting questions: What if the kind of men they think will make them happy never will? What would happen if they dated people they'd never considered dating?
In each chapter Syrtash shares stories of women who have found lasting happiness with their non-types (NTs) and provides exercises designed to help listeners assess their big-picture goals and core values. In doing so, she shows women how to make better choices in dating, so they are more likely to find true love.
- Sales Rank: #68490 in Audible
- Published on: 2015-10-27
- Released on: 2015-10-27
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 302 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Creating a positive attitude about yourself and your dating
By Regis Schilken
Syrtash's book, He's Just Not Your Type, is a positive approach to dating that will help you feel more confident about your dating life. There are two very important points she drives home to her readers.
1) If you feel unsuccessful about finding mister right at this point in your life, that means you have successfully avoided settling down with mister wrong to become just another divorce statistic. This is a positive!
2) But, if you feel negative toward dating, it is time to take positive steps toward your own acceptance behavior, with men whom you may not consider your exact type.
He's Just Not Your Type provides exercises that can help you generate a realistic outlook on your world as a whole. Of primary importance is eliminating the words "should" and "can't" from your spoken language, but even more important, from your MENTAL vocabulary. These two words she calls "gremlins." He's Just Not Your Type would have you use cognitive therapy on a regular basis to change negative thinking.
To do this, you write down a list of negatives that you regularly say to yourself and to others. Next, you write down positive rebukes for each negative.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
____"I should be a better conversationalist."
____"I can't go on a blind date,"
____"I can't just leave this poor man."
POSITIVE REBUKES
____"I will be a better conversationalist by reading the editorial page of my daily newspaper so I'm informed about fascinating topics to discuss with my date."
____"I will go on a blind date because every date is somewhat blind. I want to learn more about different kinds of men because it will help me understand them."
____"I will end my current relationship by telling him it is time for me to move on because although he's nice person, I'm not ready for a permanent or serious relationship."
He's Just Not Your Type reveals that all too often, the women she counsels toward dating success have an idealized image of some perfect male they are seeking. Sure, they may have dated such a man, only to find disappointment and sadness when one or the other party terminates the relationship.
While following Syrtash's steps for becoming a positive thinker, she would have you set SMART goals for your dating. By this she means your goals are Specific--not generalized ideals; they are objective and Measurable; they are goals for which you can make yourself Accountable; they are Realistic and doable; and they have a specific completion Timeline.
"I promised my brother (sister, girlfriend, mother) that I will have at least four dates this month" is such a goal. It is Specific--four dates; it is Measurable--either you do or don't date; you've made yourself Accountable to someone (brother, sister, mother); it is Realistic depending on your lifestyle, and you must meet a Timeline--a one month period.
All in all, He's Just Not Your Type can be a great book for making you feel better about your lifestyle. But it must be taken seriously. You must perform the exercises Syrtash outlines for you. For example, on page fourteen, there is a paper and pencil exercise to help you destroy mental gremlins. If you sharpen a pencil, sit down, and take the time to complete the exercise, you can eliminate negative thoughts that manipulate your thinking, especially if you do this regularly.
The same is true for all the exercises in the book. Rather than simply read each chapter with mental reservations saying, "I should be practicing this exercise" or "I can't do this exercise now because I don't have time," you must stand up and take command, "I will walk to my desk, I will pick up a pencil and I will do what the book says--I will do it right here and right now."
I would recommend He's Just Not Your Type to any woman who feels sullen about her life and the choices she's made regarding dating. It is extremely easy to read with plenty of real life examples from Syrtash's own work with people. It can help you find satisfaction with men, who may not measure up to your irrational ideal type, but with whom you might establish an on-going, friendship--possibly a deep, long-term, loving bond.
Review written by Regis Schilken
Author of:
Tears of Deceit
Other interesting reads:
Soul Talk: Powerful, Positive Communication for a Loving Partnership
Stop Wondering If You'll Ever Meet Him: A Revolutionary Approach for Putting the Date Back into Dating
The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking: Skillful Thought for Successful Living
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
More Than What You're Thinking
By Selena Liu
Four pages into this book, I started texting all of my friends who I thought needed to read this as much as I did. To be honest, when I first heard the title, I expected the book to be about settling. There is this natural defensive reaction when we are asked to look beyond our "types." How can we help what we are attracted to? But what I love about Andrea's perspective is that it is the exact OPPOSITE of settling. Her book is so hopeful. It is about actually finding HAPPINESS in dating and marriage. Instead of beating ourselves up over our "shoulds" (like I really "should" marry this guy), one of the simple ideas that I now ask myself since reading her book is, "Who would I rather be trapped in a foxhole with?"
So many of us date either the people we think we "should," as in the guy who looks great on paper, or... if we have a bit of a rebellious streak in us, the guy who we "shouldn't." What if we looked at dating in a different way? What if it's about who we love to be with? You think the title might be more about "thinking" our way through dating more sensibly (ie. settling again), but Andrea encourages us to "feel." How do we feel around this person? Do we feel more ourselves or do we become unrecognizable? (You crazy facebook stalkers know who you are.) She is not asking us to settle, she is actually encouraging us to do the very opposite. Find what REALLY makes us happy!
The other unexpected thing for me in reading this is how fun dating has been since. So many of us can become so negative about dating. But if you go into it with the attitude of, I wonder how I'm going to be around this "non-type"? Instead of writing off guys on that initial reaction, our dates, even those that don't turn into relationships, or even second dates, are just released from that pressure cooker of expectation. It allows us to genuinely get to know people and actually look forward to the surprise that new relationships can be. And positivity generates positivity. I used to just dread those dates I knew would end badly. But they no longer do, only because there is a genuineness to the interactions I have with each one. It is not wrong to not feel what you're supposed to feel with a guy who looks great on paper, or for that matter, looks just hot! And for the guy I wouldn't normally think I was attracted to, the dates are just met with openness that can lead to somewhere unexpected.
So in sum, the best thing about this book is it is a lifegiving type of dating read that leaves you feeling optimistic and open. And I believe will ultimately lead many of us to much happier marriages, this coming from someone who once married because I "should" or if you asked my parents, my "shouldn't."
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
The best advice you'll ever get!
By Shilom
This really is an eye-opener and crucial to help change your prespective. For years I couldn't understand why I attracted abusers who ultimately cheated when I knew I was seeking good guys. This book really took the blinders off and since reading it I have begun dating the most amazing man who is definitly not my type and I never would have looked twice at him before reading this book. This is nothing against him, he is amazing! Just wasn't my normal type, which is a great thing! He is everything I ever wanted and never realized because I was attracted to the wrong guys before. I highly recommend reading this if you're single at all!
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